The NASCAR Star Parade

“I’m not impressed with all the name dropping and star strutting that Mr. NASCAR continues with each and every week.

If you haven’t heard, the ‘big party’ in a couple of weeks will have none other than Nicolas Cage gracing us with his presence as the Grand Marshall of the Daytona 500.

Big whoop-dee-doo.

Excuse me if I don’t gawk in star struck wonder as the rich and famous are ‘plugging or being plugged’ at our little red-neck go-fast turn-left affairs.

Last week, I surprised my wife by being less than excited that local-girl, Kelly Clarkson, was signing on with NASCAR as their teeny-bopper-femme-diva for the 2007 race season. It’s all an attempt to generate more of the almighty dollar that drives NA$CAR to wine, dine and parade the rich and famous around the pits.

I’m not impressed.

Here’s a short list of last years big names at the track. I’ve not included any country music artists or groups. They seem more of a natural fit, even if they aren’t NASCAR fans. They’re proximity to the main NASCAR demographic buys them a free ticket from this rant.

I may have forgotten someone though (I hope they’re not offended). Clue me in and I’ll be sure and get their name in lights like they deserve. God knows we wouldn’t want to miss someone. NA$CAR wants to be sure and tie as many ethnicities and social classes to the sport as possible and I wouldn’t want to be responsible for endangering their plan.

The NASCAR All-Star Parade
Race Star
Daytona 500 Jon Bon Jovi, Fergie (Black Eyed Peas), James Caan
Auto Club 500 Jewel, Fantasia
UAW-Diamler Chrysler 400 Robin Leach
Samsung/RadioShack 500 George Dubya
Aaron’s 499 Will Ferrell promoting ‘Talladega Nights’
Coca-Cola 600 Jewel, Premier of ‘Cars’
3M Performance 400 Adam Sandler
Dodge/SaveMart 350 Chris Isaak, Cheech Marin
Pepsi 400 Dick Cheney, Brandon Routh (Superman)
USG Sheetrock 400 Will Ferrell and the cast of ‘Talladega Nights’
Allstate 400 at the Brickyard Chris Noth (Sex & the City), Kelly Rowland (Destiny’s Child)
AMD at the Glen Kristen Chenoweth (some blonde with big boobs)
GFS Marketplace 400 Danielle Peck (some brunette with big…ok, ok she’s country…right?)
Sharpie 500 Omari Hardwick
Sony HD 500 Jerome Bettis, Kelly Clarkson
Chevy Rock-n-Roll 400 Ed Robertson (Barenaked Ladies)
Dover 400 Hulk & Brooke Hogan
Banquet 400 Jackie Joyner-Kersee, George Lopez
Dickies 500 Dr. Phil